Month: November 2021

Synchronicity, cont…

After writing last night, I started to think about the events occurring for me right now, and how they may or may not be related. Whenever matters of the Universe seem to be at play, I feel called to my oracle cards.

I pulled another card. It was the butterfly. Today, I wanted to see if the message was reinforced, and pulled the lion.

The butterfly represents undergoing great change and transformation.

“The energy of the butterfly is with us during periods of transition. Since air is the element of the heart, this change usually involves relationships (or if you love your job, perhaps your career).”

Last week, the term “synchronicity” showed up twice. I also had a company approach me about working for them. I’m having to decide if I want the security of where I am now, or take a leap of faith and start somewhere new. It’s a very attractive offer, and in many ways, is what I’ve defined as my “dream job”. (I checked with Martin, and he assured me the relationship is good for him, so I don’t think it’s dealing with matters of the heart).

I wanted to see what the cards had to say today. Lion appeared.

“The Lion is a master of the Fire element and the living mascot of self-transformation. A Lion personality dedicates their life to personal and spiritual growth.”

Is anyone else sensing a theme? Again with transformation. It appears during the time I’ve been seeing a psychologist and working through “The Artist’s Way” to unblock my creativity.

OK – let’s see what the other decks have to say. I pulled Tsunami from the Magic Earth deck.

“You are getting a wake up call. It may be in the form of a significant loss, or other dramatic event in your life, typically one that you were not prepared for initially. You may feel stunned at first, surprised by the unexpected events that are occurring.”

Ummmm…yes. I was not expecting a casual conversation to turn into, “What would it take to get you to come work for us?” This card also seems to summarize the last year of turmoil – separation, finding out spouse is gay, moving out, buying a new home, rehoming my dog. Now, it feels as though the wake-up call is – “What are you going to do with your life? It’s yours for the taking!” This job offer, on many levels, seems too good to be true. Is it the wake-up call I need to start a new life now that I’m more settled?

Now, my curiosity is piqued. I have another deck – the Nature’s Whispers cards. Two were stuck together.

The Big Picture card: “There is so much more going on than you realize…If you’ve been struggling with a problem or tough situation, this card can signal that you will find the answers if you stand back and view everything from a larger perspective or someone else’s viewpoint.”

The Amplify Your Positive Emotions card: “There is a ripple effect of energy flowing from you. Be positive…There is a chance to bring good fortune and influences to all of the events in your life. As circles also represent cycles, know that you are continually going in and out of cycles, growing and changing. With every ending comes a new beginning.”

Oh, I know there is more going on than I realize! I haven’t slept well all week, since starting the “morning pages” from “The Artist’s Way”. I suspect there is much ‘bubbling under the surface’ that has yet to show itself. I’m talking to the psychologist, to Martin, and to friends to get their perspective on what’s going on in my life. I’m also fully aware that with every ending comes a new beginning: marriage ended – new home and relationship. Now, maybe a new job? I started my current job while still living in the same house as my ex. Is the presentation of a new job a result of the Universe giving me a truly “clean slate” from which to build my life?

What are the odds of five cards sending the same message, at a time when synchronicity has made itself known? There was a time I’d have puzzled over this – over thought it. Now, I’m going to accept it. I know I’m still in a period of transformation, this time more internal than external. It’s part of the healing process and coming to terms with the direction life is taking me. I simply need to trust the Universe has my best interests at heart.

Synchronicity

The past two months, I’ve been running a book club at work. We read the book “When” by Daniel Pink. The last two chapters talked about the importance of synchronicity – synching to our leader, our tribe, and our heart. Earlier this week we discussed what this meant as a learning and development team.

Also this past week, I started reading “The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity” by Julia Cameron. The introduction to the book also talked about synchronicity, “We change, and the universe furthers and expands that change.“

“Synchronicity” is not a word that occurs in day to day life, yet I experienced twice within two days. Wikipedia defines synchronicity “as attempt to come up with an explanation for the occurrence of highly improbable coincidences between events where there is no causal link.”

Ummmmm, yeah, that just happened…in two entirely different aspects of my life. What was the explanation?

I felt called to my Animal Spirit cards. Our friend, Selena (of LunaTerraSol), has been using these cards with me for the past two years. I’ve bought my own deck and pull a card whenever I feel called. This time, I got the Black Egg. It’s the first time it’s ever appeared for me. Here’s a bit about what it has to say.

“The Black Egg contains one of life’s essential treasures – the truth. Inside of it resides no confusion, excuses, small talk, noise or lies (not even white ones). This living and breathing vessels harbours that which rings true. When this essence is in balance we speak slowly and clearly. We are drawn to activities like writing, reading, teaching, singing…We start asking questions like “What do I know to be true about myself?” and “What do I know to be true about the world?”

Okaaay…One of the exercises in “The Artist’s Way” is to write “morning pages” – three pages of stream-of-thought writing, everyday. It is one of the tools used to help unblock creativity, by pushing the ‘logic brain’ (or Censor) to the side and allow the ‘artist brain’ to come through. (I’ll talk more about this process in another blog post). So, here I am writing everyday at the same time I pull this card.

Three weeks ago, I started working with a psychologist. While I’ve done a great deal of self-reflection and healing on my own, there are still triggers that affect my thoughts and behaviours. The psychologist feels EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) will help me. It will teach my brain how to change my response to negative/traumatic memories. (And again, I’ll blog more about this process as I experience it). It will help me know what is true in my world.

I’m reading more. I’m writing more. I’m discovering my creativity. I’m working with someone to help me discover what is true about myself and my world.

Synchronicity is at work in my life. I don’t know why all these things happened within the same time frame. I have to trust the Universe, or God, or whatever higher power guides us is doing this for a reason. As my truth is revealed to me, I’ll write and share.

Live Simply

Too much luxury hinders your practice- Dipa Ma

A year ago, about this time, Sharon and I were clearing our spaces. Purging emotional and physical items that kept progress forward from fully being realized.

Now? Well it’s a marathon not a 100 yard dash. What took years to build up isn’t knocked down in one day or one year.

What I have come to terms with is I am happiest when life is simple. I get anxious and stressed out when I let things build up or become tangled. Then, by habit, I have to stop and work out the knots that I created. I wish my learning curve would speed up in this area. In a way I guess it has as I do recognize the behavior and can see where the path is going before it gets too close to the edge. I used to panic and put my foot on the throttle instead of the brake. 

What am I doing? Where is my balance? How did my simple plans become once again so complicated?

I haven’t been practicing my yoga lessons lately. Too caught up in renovating the van and getting it road ready so I could experience some adventures before winter hit. I have a tendency to rush ahead and steam roll over everything that doesn’t factor into my current project or focus. I am not a great multi-tasker. I already admitted that. I am, though, an addicted finisher. I need the check mark in order to feel complete. Ironically buying a van doesn’t really mesh with having a clearly defined end mark. There will always be something more to do.

I am in need of structured practice to keep me sane and grounded. I know this, hence finding myself in an Ashram for months. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to me the length of time it takes to settle down. To become calm enough to accept my current state of chaos and to work through the process of owning the part I play in its creation. We create our world and invite the characters to enter and exit. We do this consciously or unconsciously. 

I wonder why simplicity helps so much with keeping peace in my head? I can guess. I think it has to do with non-attachment. Things, possessions and ownership bombarded us daily. Everywhere you turn someone is telling you that you need this product or process to feel good about yourself or to be valued in society. What if you don’t? What if you were both with value by just being a human being? Your contributions are a gift. Your essence is meant to enhance the experience of all you connect with be it animal, mineral or spirit. Is the meaning to life that simple?

The older I get the more I think it is. All the worrying about money, assets and stature have amounted to a life full of chasing others imprinted priorities. Shedding those layers has shown me a different way to live, learn and embrace my existence. 

I was most peaceful in my life when I lived in a room that was 6 feet wide and 12 feet long at the ashram. I had my instruments, food, shelter, a purpose and a desire to create. I am not sure I want to go back to that room. I am sure though that I learned valuable lessons about myself while living there I need to hang on to.

The Littlest Hobo

Day 5 of Vanlife

After our visit to the “edge” of Writing On Stone, we decided a calm, quiet night near a body of water was the perfect destination for our last night on the road. One of the great things about living near an enormous wide open land is it’s pretty easy to find a parking space tucked into a crop of bushes or trees near a water source.

We settled in and brought out the propane fireplace. With the vans set in caravan style facing front to back we had ourselves a cozy shelter. I looked down on the ground near the van and had to smile. There was this little plastic dog. I was just asking my brother if he had seen the coyote on the side of the road as we drove on what seemed like endless gravel roads that day. He had. I picked up the “Littlest Hobo” and posed him in different positions to play with the lighting features against the sunset on my phone. The contrast of the light as the world settles down to sleep has always fascinated me. The energy conversion from day to night is seamless, automatic and yet, no two sunsets are exactly the same. Every night we get the chance to make subtle changes to our perspective.

Littlest Hobo

What am I supposed to change here? How can any of us know what the right thing to do in our lives is? I have made the best and well thought out plans before only to have it pulled out from under me and turned upside down. Here I am still. I am here. I am alive and I am aware of myself and others around me.

I sat thinking about this for some time that night. The older I get the more I realize decisions made in crisis mode are usually not the best decisions. It took years to get me here, there is no rush to move me over there. Does that make sense?

The morning dawned crisp and clear. The sun was out and we still had fried bologna and pancakes to make for breakfast. Do you remember as a kid fried bologna sandwiches? They were delicious in my childhood. They are not so delightful now. Somehow someone has gone out of their way to make bologna taste and smell like wet cardboard. The pancakes were good though with a little bit of peanut butter and cinnamon honey.

We packed up and brought our new found vanmate on the road with us spending the rest of the day slowly making it back towards homebase.

We drove into the carport of my mom’s old home and both sat in our separate vans for a bit soaking in the last moments before coming down from the roaming high. I went to move my car and saw that it had a flat tire. Sigh, of course it does. I just laughed. My brother looked at me again puzzled by my responses. What could I say? It happens to me all the time. A series of obstacles appear and I set about sorting them out, walking around them, through them or fixing them. We got the spare tire on and put the van to rest for a bit.

So how was vanlife? There are definitely some kinks to work out and lots to fix or change. The bed is a little short, the electrical needs some overhaul, I need an inspection done for sure. Despite all that? I love it! I have always liked to explore. I like the freedom of going only as far as you feel like in a day then seeing what the place you land has to offer up. I am usually not disappointed to find something to spark some joy in my soul even if it’s just a plastic dog randomly lost in a farmers field.

A fellow adventurer waiting to join me on my journey.

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