Category: Midlife Arises

Winter Vacation

Our winter vacation is different this year. Rather than being on a beach, we are heading into the Rockies. With aging parents, we didn’t feel comfortable leaving the country this year. We wanted something within a couple hours of home.

I’m fortunate to have friends who have a vacation home in Canmore, AB. They’ve offered it to us in exchange for looking after their dog while they go on a skiing trip. It’s not two weeks at an all-inclusive or revisiting a Hawaiian island, but it’s four days away from responsibilities at home.

I asked ChatGPT what the top 5 things are to do in Canmore. It gave me this list.

  1. Hiking – Yeah. I know. Kananaskis Country and Banff have great hiking trails. I’d like to get out to Johnstone Canyon and Grotto Creek.
  2. Skiing and Snowboarding – No thank you. I don’t like heights so ski lifts are out of the question. I’m a prairie girl. Cross-country skiing on level ground is my comfort zone.
  3. Wildlife Watching – I just finished developing a course on Wildlife Safety for a client. I have no intentions of going out and seeking wildlife. I fully expect we’ll see elk and deer, but my life is full if I don’t encounter a bear or cougar.
  4. Canoeing and Kayaking – Yeah. It’s winter. There will be none of that.
  5. Shopping and Dining – One of my curses is to be with a man who loves to shop. Canmore, and nearby Banff, have some interesting shops. I’m quite sure at least one afternoon will be spent exploring the downtown core of each. As for dining, Martin is an excellent cook and he enjoys it, so we prefer to eat at home. Besides, with all my food allergies and sensitivities, it’s just easier.

For the next five days I’m leaving my computer at home. It probably wasn’t the best time to start a self-imposed 30-day blogging challenge, but it’s life. It never goes how we expect.

I’ll be sure to share our adventures once we’re home.

Remember “The Jetsons”?

Do you remember watching “The Jetsons” as a kid? They were the complete opposite of “The Flintstones”. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, “The Jetsons” was a cartoon about a futuristic world where we’d all have robot servants and transport ourselves via individual spaceships rather than cars.

I’ve been thinking about that show quite a lot lately.

I remember 25 years ago when I was starting my career as an instructional designer. Getting my first Palm Pilot made me feel like I was “with the times”. You’d have to be close to my age to remember these, but these devices were able to track contacts, notes, to-dos, AND sync it to a desktop computer! Whoa! It did away with paper DayTimers. It was revolutionary.

Fast forward 25 years. The phone I carry in my pocket has more computing power than my first desktop computer (probably, several of my first desktop computers). I can run my entire business from it. If I didn’t fear repetitive strain injury for my thumbs, I could write my storyboards, communicate with clients, do my banking, stay in touch with friends, take photos, create videos, and so much more (because I know I’m not using my phone to its full capabilities) with something I carry – In. My. Pocket.

We’re in an age where self-driving cars are becoming a reality. We can watch air traffic with an app (which is how I found out Martin’s flight home last week was re-directed to Edmonton after circling around Calgary for 40 minutes). I can pay bills, visit with friends, and buy groceries without leaving my house.

I remember when getting a cordless phone was a big thing. My first cell phone was the size of a brick and carried in a bag. For years, I was adamant I only wanted a mobile phone for emergency purposes. Now, I base my upgrade decisions on the camera capabilities because I dislike dragging my DSLR on vacations.

Given how much technology has advanced in the past 25 years, it makes me wonder – what will it look like 25 years from now?

I’d really like those individual flying machines to get around, but I’m not so sure I want robots living with me (no, I don’t own a Roomba).

Understanding Dreams

Dreams are a mysterious and fascinating aspect of human experience. I’ve been intrigued by Vanessa’s accounts of dream yoga.

When we sleep, our brains create vivid and often bizarre scenarios that can feel just as real as waking life. Have you ever had dreams where you are in a familiar place, yet it’s not one you recognize, with people from different times in your life? I often wake up thinking, “What was going on in my head last night?”

There are several types of dreams, including lucid dream and prophetic dreams. Lucid dreams are those in which the dreamer is aware that they are dreaming and can often control the dream’s narrative. I’ve had lucid dreams, but I’ve never been able to control the dream’s narrative. It’s as though I’m in the dream and watching it at the same time.

Prophetic dreams are those that seem to predict the future. I’ve had a few experiences where, after dreaming something three times, it has come true. The one that stands out the most that showed me my dog was going to win the Canadian Flat-Coated Retriever Nationals. I dreamt that I was at a teacher conference and my dog was with his handler. I recall walking down a flight of stairs and having people congratulate me on Riker’s win. This was the third time I’d dreamt of him winning. The other occasions must not have been as significant as I can’t recall them.

There are several theories of dream interpretation, including Freudian theory, Jungian theory, and cognitive theory. According to Freudian theory, dreams are expressions of unconscious desires and conflicts. Jungian theory posits that dreams are a way to connect with the collective unconscious. Cognitive theory suggests that dreams are a way to process and consolidate memories.

If I had to choose, I lean towards the cognitive theory. I think dreams are a way of processing and consolidating information in our minds. I also think it’s a way for the mind to figure out what it wants to store and toss out the rest.

Whenever I’m under stress, I have dreams of being a student and having to write an exam for which I’m not prepared. Or, I have dreams that feel as though I’m in a movie and being chased. I’m sure Freud and Jung could have a field day with those. For me, they’re a reminder that I need to take a step back and look at changes needed to live a more balanced life.

What dreams do you recall? Have you had a prophetic dream? I’d love to hear about it.

(This post was written with the help of ChatGPT)

A Heartfelt Toast!

Here’s to life long friendships.

Here’s to our friendship!

It was Sharon’s birthday yesterday. Happy belated birthday my friend!

As I reflect on Sharon, I am drawn to her strength and bravado. She has had a lot to deal with over the years that I have known her. Instead of falling apart she stood her ground, defending her position and marched forward. Her head was held high and she moved with grace and determination like no one I have ever been friends with. We have both been through heartache, death, trying to raise balanced human beings and navigate all sorts of relationships with family, partners, work and friendships.

What has stayed firm is our friendship and I am grateful for that. I am a firm believer that people are placed in your life for a reason. You need only pay attention to reap the benefits of the interactions. I had no notion of Sharon when we first started working together. I knew nothing about her or her life. We seemed to be like Ying & Yang and yet through our differences we were curious about what made each who we are.

I am a couple of years older than Sharon but not by much! The more we explore our lives the abundance of nuggets meld into our pot of golden thoughts and threads.

As readers I recommend going back on some of the older blogs to get to know Sharon more if you haven’t already. She is candid and unfiltered in the story of her life so far. We have both decided that transparency is the best way to operate within this blog world.

Women supporting each other and listening with open hearts and minds.j

So here’s to you Sharon! Happy belated birthday and a heartfelt toast to your future and our continuing friendship.

Sincerely

ChatGPT on Elder Care

I’m taking some time today to explore ChatGPT and what it has to offer. I’m always looking for new things I can incorporate into my work.

I decided to ask it for advice on elder care. This is the response. I have to say – it is ‘spot on’ from my experience. I like how the last three points are for the caregiver and not solely the elder.

Caring for an elderly loved one can be a challenging and rewarding experience. Here are some tips for elder care:

  1. Get organized: Create a care plan and schedule to help you manage your loved one’s needs, appointments, and medications. This will help you stay on top of things and avoid feeling overwhelmed.
  2. Communicate: Communicate openly and regularly with your loved one about their needs, concerns, and wishes. This will help you provide better care and avoid misunderstandings.
  3. Practice patience and compassion: Caring for an elderly loved one can be frustrating and stressful at times. It’s important to practice patience and compassion and take the time to listen to and understand their needs.
  4. Prioritize safety: Safety should always be a top priority when caring for an elderly loved one. Make sure their living environment is safe and secure and that they have the necessary equipment and support to prevent falls and accidents.
  5. Provide emotional support: Elderly loved ones often feel isolated and lonely, especially if they are unable to leave their home or care facility. Provide emotional support by spending time with them, engaging in activities they enjoy, and staying connected with family and friends.
  6. Seek professional help: Don’t hesitate to seek professional help when needed. There are many resources available, including home health care services, support groups, and counseling services.
  7. Take care of yourself: Caring for an elderly loved one can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in regular exercise and self-care activities.
  8. Know when to ask for help: If you are feeling overwhelmed or unable to provide the level of care your loved one needs, don’t be afraid to ask for help. This could mean reaching out to family and friends or hiring a professional caregiver. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of your loved one

Elder Care

Let me tell you, elder care is not for the feint of heart. My parents moved in with me 5 years ago. I had this romantic view of what it’d be like – my mom and I would go shopping; Dad and I would go fishing. They’d be able to go to all of my son’s basketball and football games. Dad would have a place to garden again; Mom would have space to read and do her puzzles. It seemed perfect.

I had no idea it would be so much work. My dad had cataract surgery shortly after moving in with me. A few months later, a heart attack. Mom was also dealing with severe depression and anxiety. She was convinced Dad was getting Alzheimer’s. I cannot tell you the number of medical appointments we went to in a month. There were at least two or three a week between the two of them. It wasn’t short-term, either. The medical appointments were constant. They always wanted me to attend as they didn’t trust themselves to remember everything they were told.

It didn’t stop after Mom died and Dad went into assisted living. There are fewer medical appointments since a nurse and doctor are on-site, but there are specialist appointments. It’s never just one. One appointment leads to another…and another. Dad is now completely blind. He doesn’t move as well as he used to. A 20-minute appointment is now a 3 to 4 hour excursion. By the time I get to his home, get him in the car, to the appointment, and back to his room, half a day is gone.

Hearing aids never stop working at the same time. I take one in and a week or two later the other needs to be fixed. There’s always something Dad needs me to get for him.

Martin is experiencing this now that we’ve moved his dad to be closer to us. It’s never-ending. With both of the dads, we ask if they need anything. “No, no, I’m good.” A few hours later or the next day…”I need…”.

It’s a tough situation. We want to be there for our parents. We also need to live our own lives. From an observer’s standpoint, it’s fascinating to watch. The older they get, the more toddler-like they become. They can’t walk as well. They are fussy eaters. They need help doing almost everything. They can only focus on what what is an immediate thought or need.

I try to frame my mindset to “I get to …” rather than “I have to …”. I’m fortunate to still have my dad. I know that. I know how much he and Mom did for me as a child. Still, when I’m tired, part of me thinks, “They chose to have children; I didn’t choose this.”

It’s normal to have these feelings. I still have an young adult at home. I work more than full-time hours every week. Getting enough exercise is important to me. There are all the ‘adulting’ things that need to be done. Sometimes, Dad feels like one more obligation. There’s a reason respite is offered to caregivers.

My dad lost his wife of 53 years and his vision within two years of each other. He can’t do any of things he loves to do. Yet, his attitude is still one of, “Well, it could be worse” or “Well, what can you do?” He loves his family. He’s so very proud of the adults his grandchildren are becoming. He stays in touch with his extended family. If I ever need anything, Dad is there.

As exhausting and frustrating as it can be, being able to look after my dad is a gift. He will be 85 in April. He’s already outlived everyone in his family. He won’t be here forever. I’m fortunate we are still able to create memories.

The Circle

Reaching out to find common understanding no matter the tongue spoken.

woman hand holding red paper heart
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Yesterday afternoon was my first time attending The Circle. 

Immigration and family services offer support to people who are “new to Canada” for the first twelve months or so. This time is spent helping them to integrate into the community. I thought it would be an interesting opportunity that could help me understand an immigrant’s journey to a country I often take for granted.

I walked into the room and was greeted by a friendly elderly lady who manages and facilitates the group discussions. We started right in with a craft. Making an outline of our hands which we placed onto a bigger heart. The facilitator encouraged us to write our name, where we were from and something special across the collage. We then strung the hearts on the wall and put little fairy lights interspaced among them. The art is to honor women during International Women’s Day.

I sat next to a lovely woman from Somalia. She has been living in Canada for a year now. As she struggled to tell me in English about herself and her family I had to admire her determination. 

I have traveled to numerous countries and know what it’s like not to have a decent grasp of the language. Along with all the other challenges one must face when fleeing their country, just responding to simple questions about yourself can add another layer of burden. 

I like the idea of a place you can go to practice your English in a safe and non-judgmental setting. 

I smiled at my new friend and helped her to cut out her traced hand and heart. We even used some glitter glue to create fingernails. Being open and inviting with a smile and soft gaze I could see put her at ease while we tried to figure out what each other was saying. I could see the understanding come. It’s so random the things you connect on. Explaining how to say “fingernails” was the ice breaker. Then connect fingernail to thumb, index finger, middle finger…we laughed at that one, ring finger-great discussion on what that entailed and baby finger or pinky-which got another smile. I am not sure she understood all of the names but the conversation was flowing.

In the larger group the discussion was on the use of the local library. One of the immigrant ladies had mentioned that she got help setting up her social media account there from one of the volunteers. I was happy to hear that as my next week’s interview is with the adult learning group which is hosted at the library. The group seemed very interested in learning about how to use their social media accounts which is not surprising. I asked their favorite one and Instagram seemed to be the winner.

Finding small things to connect on is so important. It joins us in common interest and opens a window for more in depth understanding and discussion. Simple things like making an appointment or taking a bus are on the list for future discussions.

Car Shopping

I took my 20-year-old son car shopping last night for his first car. When he first got his license, he drove a hand-me-down the ex and I had at home. Since the divorce, he’s been driving my car or using Uber. Now that he has a good job, it was time for his own.

He originally started in the 8K-10K range. He wanted something to get him to and from work and the gym. He also wanted to finance it so he can start to build a credit rating.

We started at a used car lot. At the first one, we drove into the lot and drove out. The building itself was derelict. While it may not reflect on the condition of the cars, our thinking was, “If they can’t look after their building, do they really look after the cars?”

The second used car lot told us we wouldn’t be able to find anything decent under $20,000. Since neither of us are mechanically inclined, and the people selling cars privately wouldn’t allow us to have them inspected by a mechanic, we then decided to go to the reputable car companies and see what they had for used cars, knowing the budget would increase.

At the first dealership, they had nothing. But, the woman was the same age as my son, clearly smitten, and tried her best to sell him something. She had to “go talk to her manager” so many times, we finally got up and left. (It wasn’t lost on me that, after she commented on his braids, he took off his jacket so she could see the results he’s been getting working out at the gym!)

At the second dealership, there was a fully loaded, 2017 Chevy Cruze with two sets of tires (important here in Canada where we need winter and summer tires), still some warranty and the salesman would sell it for $20,000 taxes and fees included. However, there was hail damage on the car. I could tell my son wasn’t impressed. The salesman, sensing there wasn’t going to be a sale, started the hard sell – “We had a lady looking at this yesterday. I can’t guarantee it’ll be here tomorrow”, then “Let me run the numbers…OK, if you finance for 7 years….”

He held firm. He knew what he was prepared to spend, what length of time he wanted the financing, and this car wasn’t it. The more I suggested we keep looking, the more frantic the salesman got. I finally said I needed to go make a call in my car. My son was too polite to simply say, “Thanks for your time and walk away” when the salesman started to show him even more cars he wasn’t interested in, I made the call. To my son. I told him what to say so it sounded like he had to leave immediately.

I took him to the Mazda dealership where I bought my car a year ago. That’s where he found the car of his dreams. Having grown up with BMWs, he has an affinity for German cars. He test drove a 2015 Mercedes Benz C-300 and immediately fell in love. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy.

When we went back inside to talk numbers, the total came to over $27,000. He was devastated. That was too much. So, he started negotiating. By the end of the night, he got the car for $21,000 taxes and fees included. We’re waiting on financing to go through but, since I co-signed, I don’t think that’ll be a problem.

I am so proud of my son. His football coaches have always told me he’s a leader. I didn’t see it at home. I live with an introverted young man who doesn’t care to talk much. He seems content to go with the flow of whatever his friends want to do.

Yesterday, I saw a young man who can stand up for himself. A young man who looked at his overall financial situation and decided what he was comfortable spending. A young man who saw the car he wanted, had the down payment, and did what he had to do to get it. A young man on the cusp of adulthood making his own decisions.

As good a negotiator as he is, he won’t win the last battle. My car parks in our single garage. Momma pays the mortgage.

A Different Kind Of Love Song

14 times seeing KISS. Now that’s love.

I am part of you and you are part of me. I have come to this realization slowly over the last four decades of being married to the same guy.

We have a common history where we shared a life. As traditional relationships go I would say that we were unconventional for the time. We learned about each other early that he was better at cooking and cleaning. He took the kids on a two week camping trip to Yellowstone Park when our daughter was just over a year old and our son was four. I got a call from the border patrol asking me if I knew that he had the kids and was planning on taking care of them without me? I laughed but the official didn’t think it was funny. The kids and him had a blast. He has always been one to jump in and change diapers. Have snacks ready when the kids come home from school as I was at work or traveling for work.

We have had our share of struggles. Times when we grew apart as well as times when we stood united. 

When I think of romantic love I reflect on our journey together through this crazy world and life.

This summer I spent several weeks in the mountains in my van. One night around 10:30 pm I look out my window and my husband is standing there. It scared the crap out of me…lol. He comes in the van and gives me a big hug. I have missed you, he says. 

The stars are out in full force and the night is calm and warm. We walk down the road a bit and lay down to look up at the sky. Our hands are connected. I know every bump, scar and tendon of these hands that are entwined with mine. He doesn’t understand why I like to go up into the mountains and stay for so long. He asked if I could maybe try going for a few days then coming home for a few days then going back instead of for such a long period of time at once. You would think that having been married for so many years that time spent apart would be a gift.

Apparently he doesn’t think so.

We don’t buy gifts for each other as we know that we have everything we want or need. He shows up with things at home that he thinks might benefit me the most. It has taken time for me to get used to his ideas of what I might need. He is always sorting through discount bins and buying things on sale. I remember he brought a feminine cup one time. I was horrified. He proceeded to explain to me what it was for and how to use it. Let’s just say I did try it and didn’t care for it.

Nothing is off the table or that private when you have been together for that long. It takes alot to surprise me where he is concerned.

We are a different kind of love. We have made our own rules and followed our own advice on what marriage should be for us. We have tossed traditional roles, stereotypes and obligations out the window.

We run naked in the forest every chance we get and make love on the back of skidoos and against palm trees on the beach. We spend time apart and we spend time together. I have been to 14 Kiss concerts just because he wanted to. Now that’s love…lol.

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