When it comes to choosing a partner to experience life with, does anyone think of ever after anymore?
What is a soulmate?
I was curious so I scanned the internet looking for what made sense to me. I wasn’t aware that there are different types:
Soul Partners– They come in and out of your life to serve a purpose. They may be an intimate partner or something else playing an important role in your growth or certain path. The main purpose is to help to accomplish or complete a goal or milestone (kids, career, goal and so on).
Soul Tie– Unexpected addition that isn’t planned. A connection is made that seems random but ends up being something more. I have met many people in my life who seemed to have a message for me to pay attention to. If I don’t get the message the first time, I notice they come back to try again as themselves or someone similar in manner, behavior or speech.
Past Life Soulmate– Ever have someone come into your life and you feel an instant attraction or connection to? There is a familiarity with the person that has no known origin. It can be an attraction or just a vibe or energy exchange. It’s tangible though when it happens.
Karma Mates– Sometimes a person comes into your life and changes everything or just enough to get you thinking about a different existence. Universe disruptors I call them. They are put in my path to wake me up and remind me that I need to do something differently or change a behavior or action.
Kindred Spirits-Whether you have a history with someone or have just met them, sometimes, if you are lucky, you have people in your life that just get you. They think like you, they act like you and they are willing to keep you in their lives and vice versa. I have friends like this. We have been friends since childhood for a very long time.
I haven’t exhausted the list of types of relationships one can have. There are many more. I picked out the ones that I was curious to explore further for me and thought you might enjoy the comparison.
At the end of the month will mark 38 years that my husband and I have been married. I think of all the things that have changed in this world over that time. I am not sure I would recognize my 20 years old self that said “I do” and meant for life “I do”.
I have read theories on soulmates. There has been a shift in how they are perceived. Many think you can have multiple soulmates throughout your life. They come to share a part of your story then drift out when the story concludes. They aren’t meant to last forever. If you think about it in the vein of being temporary would you treasure the time spent with them more?
Lifemates I think of differently. If you look at animals, those that mate for life only make up 3% of the population according to Google. Out of that 3%, they quickly find another mate if the first one dies. Another interesting tidbit is the fact that the lifermates don’t live together. They only come together during mating season and the rest of the time they remain apart.
Relationships are such an individual thing. Trying to mirror someone else’s experience is virtually impossible and impractical. Through the years, I have found that you need to decide for you and your partner what will work and what won’t.
In the honeymoon phase it’s easy to see yourself with this perfect soulmate as long as you both shall live. The first twenty years or so are spent building your connected existence. Kids, home, career, lifestyle are all distractions that make time disappear. History is built with this partner that, in my opinion, becomes more valuable than a greater emphasis on lust. Don’t get me wrong, intimacy is important and necessary to sustain a connection.
I have had many opportunities to watch as couples get married, divorced, pass away, live apart, live together but apart and many combinations that are interesting to contemplate.
I hear single friends and family complain about the state of dating these days. It sounds depressing that humanity puts so much emphasis on how we look on the outside. Since when did it matter if I had hair on my body in places where most people never see?
I am not sure what the future holds for me or my continued journey with my soulmate? Lifemate?
I know one thing for sure, we are meant to have others in our lives. They make life that much richer and full. I am grateful for those who have put up with me over the years and look forward to discovering others yet to be part of my story.
Simple and Elegant
I started gathering ideas, muses and relevant tidbits that could add to the content of this blog and then finally
One thing I can say with certainty is that I tend to overcomplicate things. No matter what it is, if there is a way to make it more elaborate, detailed, on the edge of gaudy I have mastered that approach. As I move away from my 50s and closer to my 60s I am becoming aware that having this personality trait isn’t helping me get closer to fulfilling my desire to know the meaning of…
I Am That, That I Am
I went for a walk with a friend I made at the ashram. We were in the forest soaking up as much early spring life energy as we could stuff into our spirits. I mentioned my long time love affair with moss. I am obsessed with it. Every chance I get, I touch it, photograph it, smell it, see if I can differentiate between the types. I am not surprised that she agrees with my assessment on the virtues of the green substance.
We meander up the trail until we come to a place called Easter Rock. There we stop, sit and go in and out of some meditations. The big slab is covered in varieties of vegetation including rich displays of mosses. She has mentioned a book before called “Gathering Moss” by Robin Wall Kimmerer. I am excited to read it. It’s about the natural and cultural history of mosses.
What is it about this species that has me so curious?
The colors are vibrant and magical. They seem to illuminate light from within. The more I discover about moss the more I am marveled. It lacks roots, seeds and has no flowers. It has no way of retaining water internally and yet somehow there are thousands of types all over the world.
What lessons can I take from this plant?
You can still thrive without roots. Chances of success become improved when you don’t over complicate the process of survival. Since there isn’t a need for seeds, flowers or even fruit, moss doesn’t require much to continue to grow. Making associations with the moss I encounter helps me to see its potential beauty to photograph. The angel hair fingerlings that cling to the pine branches, the beard-like bristles that cling to rocks or any numerous variations I stumble across on my trails. All give me a sense of gratitude that I can gaze at the natural living mural before me. It has endless life, grace and beauty.
I look forward to spring and summer to witness the forest floor coming alive with vibrancy and vigor. Feeling pretty lucky to plan some hikes to document and, with any luck, capture some mystical energy digitally and mentally.
I have tried to grow moss…
I have tried to migrate moss to my yard from various sources. I thought I had all the similar elements recreated only to be disappointed that the moss didn’t take or dried out. Moss isn’t meant to be contained or long term. I could use that information in my own life.
Let go, stop hanging onto things, keep it simple, cover more ground with less t0 unpack.
Most people enjoy April 1 because of April Fool’s Day. I used to think it was at cool day because it was my Gramma’s birthday. Now, it’s not a day about jokes or celebrations; it’s a day of grief.
You see, three years ago, my mom fell in my garage and fractured her skull. By the end of the day, she was no longer responsive. The second CT scan several hours after the first showed the brain bleed had not stopped. Mom had a health directive. She made it clear she did not want to live in a diminished capacity, so I invoked her directive. The hospital staff thought she’d die during the night, but she didn’t. She hung on for 5 more days. I swear it’s because one grandchild has a birthday on April 2nd, and another on April 4th, and there was no way she’d die on, or between, their birthdays. She waited and died the morning of April 6th.
For me, April 1 is a harder date than the 6th. I lost my mom on the 1st. It was the last day she spoke. The last day she looked at me. The last day she was truly with us. I was with her the morning she died. I watched, and heard, her last breath.
That first year, I likened grief to the waves of the ocean. Sometimes, the waves were small and lapped at the shores of my mind. The waves would increase in intensity until they’d crashed against me and I’d be reduced to body-shaking sobs. There were times I swear I was losing my mind with grief. I never understood its power until I lost Mom.
The waves have become calmer over the years. I think of Mom often. She’s been visiting in my dreams and leaving me dimes. Yesterday, however, I experienced a tsunami. I cried all day. Sometimes, it was subtle. My eyes leaked. Other times, I had gut-wrenching sobs. I really missed my mom.
Why does grief make people feel so uncomfortable? Friends sent virtual hugs. My partner rationalized why I was feeling so low. My son gave me a hug. No one offered to simply sit with me in grief, to simply be.
I felt very alone. I felt overwhelmed. I felt that no one understood just how raw it was for me again. I sat with it myself. I didn’t try to “jolly” myself out of it. I felt the feels.
I guess the Irish saying is true. Yesterday, sadness was on me for awhile. Today, it’s gratitude. I’m thankful for the years I had with Mom and know that she will always be part of me.