February is about connections for us at midlife arises. Ever heard the saying that “what you don’t say it just as important as what you do?” I think that’s pretty accurate. I am sitting at my kitchen table in the Yasodhara Ashram looking out the window at the most incredible view of Kootenay Lake. It’s my first night here and the peacefullness hugs me like a friend. I am feeling truly blessed and at the same time hurt by moments of missed communication between my husband and I over the last few weeks. He has never been a man to express his feelings. Especially ones that involve being vulnerable. As he holds onto an argument over an electric grill staying in a kitchen cupboard the moment to talk it out, as rational adults, has passed.
We have created a negative pattern of exchanging concerns years ago. We used to argue and talk back and forth for days to try and resolve issues. There were some tears, some words and a night on the couch sometimes. Now? There is silence. When we get mad at each we just stop talking to each other. The trouble is that neither person gets heard or understood. It resolves nothing and if left, it leads to more division than devotion.
Accountability to speak up is crucial to a healthy relationship. To be heard and mutually understood is extremely important. You must be wondering why I am opening up about this here? As adults we are always being watched. Our kids, young relatives are always looking at our relationships and trying to figure how to communicate. They watch us, mimic us and repeat our patterns whether they are great examples or bad ones.
Let’s not live a life of unsaid feelings, suppressed emotions and missed connections. Regret happens for what we don’t do more often than for what we do.
I am excited about opportunities for personal growth over the next few months and learning more about how I express how I think and feel. It’s healthy and key to finding happiness.