Renewable Resource

Conclusion to Concrete Dream Series…for now

I enjoy reading fellow bloggers’ thoughts. I came across  a sentence that mentioned that doing things out of obligation or guilt can not be sustained. When you act out of love it’s repeatable. 

Love is a renewable resource.

I have done many things in my life out of a sense of duty. 

How wonderful it is to change the way I think about what I chose to do in service of others.

This week, in the Dream Yoga class (hosted by Yasodhara Ashram), I committed to explore further the people in my Concrete Dream. I decided to zoom in on a conversation I had in the dream with the little white haired girl when I first approached her on the stairwell in the stadium.

“ I ask the little girl if she is lost?”

She replies “you don’t know the dangers here”. She says she can’t trust me.

I am stunned and quick to negate her.

I feel that I missed out on being curious about what she meant by “the dangers” and why she couldn’t trust me. My dream self didn’t give her a chance to explain before rushing in with a response.  

There is a practice that I can do that enables me to speak with the child through asking questions and then recording the response through journaling. Since both characters in the dream are representative of my personality traits I can both ask and answer the queries until I come to a point that I feel is conclusive.

I decided to take my van out for a drive, park in the coulees close to my home and lit some incense I had brought back from Bali. Breathing in the aromatic air I quickly sunk into a comfortable space.

Pen in hand with plenty of paper to gather my responses I decided on my first question.

Question:

What dangers are here that I don’t know about?

Response:

If I put myself out there and deviate from the safe and comfortable stairwell I am on I will get stuck again. I will become anxious and want to retreat. I will find myself back in the stairwell moving through life compelled by guilt and a sense of duty. You do your best work when it’s focused on someone else’s needs instead of ours.

Question:

How can I become aware and change my thoughts and behaviors to mitigate getting stuck?

Response:

I am quick to act impulsively. It’s my life that is being affected so what’s the rush?

Question:

Is this impulsive behavior what I meant by not being able to trust?

Response:

Yes, in part. The intuitive better response is there and I do come to understand it eventually. Often though, it’s after I have acted upon something and not before.

Question:

How long do I have to wait?

Response:

Patience is a suit that I could wear more often.

Question: 

In the red tube in the dream, I get stuck and retreat. If I led with my heart open would I have made it to the blue seats?

Response:

There are many ways to get to the “blue seats”. They are not the destinations per say but places to rest along the way. Treat them like markers in the journey. When I need a moment to regroup or a reminder to rely on my practices or tools I should think of them.

My questions and responses continue for a while until I am satisfied with a “concrete” understanding of the missed opportunity in my dream conversation with the little girl.

I can imagine her smiling at me. She is feeling heard and understood. I am even beginning to think that she trusts me just a bit more than she did before.

Love is a renewable resource. Loving myself enough to seek out awareness of why I do the things I do, feel the way I feel and say the things I say is a gift of compassion to me.

I hope you have enjoyed this dream series. I find the practices extremely helpful to unlocking the inner guru.