Revisiting Illusions

I find myself reading some of my old blog posts under a different pen name. Before I shut down that site and concentrate on “one only” I want to capture some of the posts.

Some habits “die hard” and being authentic and truthful no matter what is one I find challenging. Do you say nothing when the truth, as you know it, may hurt someones’ feelings?

I read a book called “In Durga’s Embrace” written by Swami Durgananda. The story is about a woman’s journey through the practices and philosophies founded by Swami Radha. In one chapter Swami Radha asked Margaret ( who becomes Swami Durgananda) to write an essay on the lies she tells and the games she plays in her life. At first, Margaret resists thinking she doesn’t do those things. Then as she starts to write she discovers her illusions.

Slight truths that make yourself look better and benefit you somehow. Games like making sure someone is watching when you are busy at a task or doing something you want attention for. Acting in a certain way or saying something without being sincere. It made me think of my own behavior at times. What I have done to sway a situation to make me look perhaps better than I am. It was a good lesson in awareness for me.

I have often heard people saying that they didn’t have a choice. Whatever happened without them having control. They were slaves to circumstances and not accountable for their actions. Lack of choice is an illusion. We all can decide for ourselves what happens next. The key is that I may not always like what happens next if I make the wrong choice but I know that I am in the driver’s seat. I am exercising free will.

I want to create authenticity within my practices,interactions and words. Act on what I truly believe to be beneficial for me and others around me. Going with consensus or the flow no longer serves the direction of the path I choose to follow.

In social media it’s easy to hide behind illusions of filters for selfies, only showing happy events or sharing things that make your life look amazing. Only show the positive because that’s what your friends and family want to see. Is that true? If it is then what does that say about us and those we associate with?

How do we know joy unless we can recognize sorrow? Is happiness something you can maintain everyday all day long? Maybe if you are medicated or have reached a state of pure bliss. The rest of us will have to settle for a balance of happy and not so happy times.

I understand within myself the need and desire to be authentic and aware. Share what I know, ask for guidance when I don’t know and try very hard to cut through the illusions. Narratives created to appear better or greater than my life actually don’t serve any purpose to me anymore.

I have stood in Mountain Pose for a few minutes as the sun comes out from behind a cloud. I recall my room in Buddha Loka at the ashram that overlooks the lake. This is real, this is grounding me. This shows me the benefits of living firming planted in what I know to be beneficial to my soul. This is the being my essence recognizes and rejoices for me to use a practice to help me gain clarity to express my authentic self.

A big point for me coming to the ashram was to gain back the routine of practices. Infuse the effects into my mind and body enough times to crave it daily. I notice that I am a different person here than at home. I am happy and content. I need to consider why the difference happens and whether keeping up with my practices can help. I know that I am more grounded in truth when I practice functioning from my center.

What illusions remain at home that need surrendering and letting go of? 

It’s tough to cut through illusions. Life has a way of distracting us until we forget what drew us to look under the cover. When we look, sometimes we question what we are trying to see. It all looks so mundane and tolerable. 

There is nothing like trying to plan and move to fruition a family Christmas dinner to bring back the messiness that is swept under the rug for 364 days of the year. Can we all just put aside our differences and hug it out at dinner?

Some of the best Christmas dinners involved a food fight when I was younger.

Our parents have passed away but six of the seven siblings are still alive.

It’s my hope that we can set aside whatever is keeping us apart to come together to celebrate the season. We have the rest of the year to be authentic.


Wild heart, free spirit, shaman enthusiast who loves to be curious about anything and everything. Avid traveller who is itching to explore more of this wonderful world when save to do so.

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