Sitting In The Big Blue Chair

Dream Yoga #2 in series

This week I have some dream work to do. Pick a symbol from my dream and incorporate it into a daily meditation or opportunity to use other yoga practices. I am still working with the little girl in the stadium stairwell. I have chosen to explore the adult who follows and then tries to lead the little girl away from the steps.

Here is a reminder of the scenes of the dream I am working with…

“I ask the girl if she is lost?” She replies that I don’t know the dangers here. I quickly retort that I am an adult and she can trust me as well as my ability to make judgment calls. I feel like I have to prove to her that “I know best”. She turns away from me and starts walking up the stairs.

Further on in the dream, after we have been walking for quite some time I see a red waterslide tube. I suggest we take it as I assume it will lead us out of the stadium faster. She reluctantly agrees to try the slide. I go first and she follows. The tube goes up and bends then slants downward. I get stuck trying to navigate the curve. I hear a sigh behind me and then the little girl starts to back up out of the tube. She doesn’t seem upset. In fact I feel she is resigned to the knowledge that I was unable to navigate beyond the tube. That I was bound to get stuck.Once back on the stairs I fall into line with the child and she starts to descend this time.

We don’t talk and with our heads bowed with trudge downward.

A landing appears and it gives us a view of the stage. There are big blue seats that are positioned to face the platform. Rows and rows of them are visible on the horizon. I get the impression that some of them have beings in them even though I can’t see any. The vantage point of sitting in the seats seems to appeal to the little girl. We don’t sit down though. I feel like I am not in a mind space to understand how to “take a seat”.

To give the dream context, I consider my conscious concerns. Why am I thinking about this dream now ( I had the dream three years ago)?

What is coming in my life right now that my inner guru believes I could benefit from revisiting this message?

I have been struggling with how to add value. I felt part of a community the last few years going to the ashram. I promised my husband I would stay home this year and help support him in his challenges. Be careful when you ask someone how they need you to show up for them. It seemed easy enough to say that I would stay home. Yet, here I am, getting very antsy to wander.

I have started winter hiking, even bought a pair of snowshoes. The van is back and I still have some repairs to do on it to get it ready for summer.  I am almost set up to volunteer locally and still connect through Zoom classes with the ashram. Garden season is coming soon and I have started some of my seeds already. 

The adult in me says that all of this should be enough to make my life rich and satiate my hunger for more.

The little girl keeps moving. She keeps searching for more.

I chose to work with the symbolism of the adult me that interacts with the little girl throughout her journey in the stairwell. 

Today, through actively creating a “waking dream” I sit in one of the blue chairs. A waking dream involves creating visual images in your mind that can be run like a movie. In my visualization, the little girl is beside me in another chair. We are relaxed with our eyes loosely gazing around. I feel a sense of calmness. There is no hurry here. No need to make a quick judgment. I can be patient and let whatever comes reveal itself. I feel that the child is happy and content to bask in the comfort of the soft cushioned seat. We both seem to be very small and can curl up easily to lay down in the cushions. I feel like I am in a cocoon or hammock. The back of the seat is formed from flower petals. Giant lily shaped arms embrace us. I breathe in a citrusy wisp of bliss. I breathe out and absorb the light and wisdom freely given by the chairs’ enchantment. The chairs hold us in a gentle lullaby and whisper encouragement.

The child knows that the chairs are a place she can come and be held in divine light. She was created in the light. It sustains her. Protects her when she feels threatened. It surrounds her with soft warmness and unconditional love. She is growing into the light just those who occupy the seats that are connected by the community.

I am an adult here and yet I feel like an infant. A moment of revelation is upon me. My ego is still very strong and fighting for control. It is in pursuit of selfish service instead of selfless service. The need to be recognized and acknowledged feeds its sense of self worth and value. Why does it matter so much how I go about contributing to my community or the world as long as I act on it. As long as I contribute in some way that helps others it matters not what that ends up being. 

You get ahead most times in the corporate world by being the aggressor. Appearing confident that you have all the answers and can lead others to success. It becomes vital to your very survival to continually show your worth to anyone who will pay attention to you.

You measure your self worth by the feedback you receive from others as to how worthy you are of positive affirmations.

Living a life full of distractions that involve how others think you should act, react and contribute can be tempting.

What if you sat in the “blue” chair with your sweet, innocent and pure childlike self beside you and contemplated life on your terms?

What does she want to experience?

How does she look at the world and her place in it? 

If you let her lead, where would you go and what would you do differently?

I always get so much out of these classes from Yasodhara. If you are curious I recommend taking a look at their offerings or going to visit them. 

It has changed me.