Tag: #acceptance

The Circle

Reaching out to find common understanding no matter the tongue spoken.

woman hand holding red paper heart
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Yesterday afternoon was my first time attending The Circle. 

Immigration and family services offer support to people who are “new to Canada” for the first twelve months or so. This time is spent helping them to integrate into the community. I thought it would be an interesting opportunity that could help me understand an immigrant’s journey to a country I often take for granted.

I walked into the room and was greeted by a friendly elderly lady who manages and facilitates the group discussions. We started right in with a craft. Making an outline of our hands which we placed onto a bigger heart. The facilitator encouraged us to write our name, where we were from and something special across the collage. We then strung the hearts on the wall and put little fairy lights interspaced among them. The art is to honor women during International Women’s Day.

I sat next to a lovely woman from Somalia. She has been living in Canada for a year now. As she struggled to tell me in English about herself and her family I had to admire her determination. 

I have traveled to numerous countries and know what it’s like not to have a decent grasp of the language. Along with all the other challenges one must face when fleeing their country, just responding to simple questions about yourself can add another layer of burden. 

I like the idea of a place you can go to practice your English in a safe and non-judgmental setting. 

I smiled at my new friend and helped her to cut out her traced hand and heart. We even used some glitter glue to create fingernails. Being open and inviting with a smile and soft gaze I could see put her at ease while we tried to figure out what each other was saying. I could see the understanding come. It’s so random the things you connect on. Explaining how to say “fingernails” was the ice breaker. Then connect fingernail to thumb, index finger, middle finger…we laughed at that one, ring finger-great discussion on what that entailed and baby finger or pinky-which got another smile. I am not sure she understood all of the names but the conversation was flowing.

In the larger group the discussion was on the use of the local library. One of the immigrant ladies had mentioned that she got help setting up her social media account there from one of the volunteers. I was happy to hear that as my next week’s interview is with the adult learning group which is hosted at the library. The group seemed very interested in learning about how to use their social media accounts which is not surprising. I asked their favorite one and Instagram seemed to be the winner.

Finding small things to connect on is so important. It joins us in common interest and opens a window for more in depth understanding and discussion. Simple things like making an appointment or taking a bus are on the list for future discussions.

Looking in the Review Mirror…Part 2

Yesterday, I responded to two of the the “10 Questions to Process Before you Wrap up 2021” posed by Nedra Tawwab on her Instagram feed. Today, I’m going to look at the next three.

What do I need to accept about myself and the other people in my life?

  • We’re all doing our best. Sometimes it may not feel like it and I need to accept it’s my best at the time. I need to accept that others are doing their best, even if it doesn’t look that way to me because, like me, it’s their best at the time.
  • I need to accept that it’s OK to lean on other people. I pride myself on being independent. Others see me as a strong, confident woman. In many ways, I have a toddler’s attitude of “I can do it myself!” This past year has shown me it’s OK to ask for help – whether it’s to move furniture or cry on a shoulder.
  • Similarly, I need to accept that others want to help. The people in my life support me. They’re here for the good and the bad. Just as I want to be there for them, they want to be here for me.
  • 2021 taught my life is never what I expect it to be. When it started, I had no idea I’d be buying my own condo and rehoming my dog. Yet, here I am – on my own and dogless. I need to accept the adage, “The only certainties in life are death and taxes”.

How did I cope with uncomfortable feelings?

There were SO many uncomfortable feelings in 2021. There was the end of my marriage, moving out, buying a new home, no longer being Dad’s caregiver and his decision to move into assisted living, realizing I spent the last 10 years with a narcissist…it was quite a year.

  • I cried.
  • I talked things through with, and sought advice from, my partner and my friends.
  • I read blogs and listened to podcasts.
  • I journalled.
  • I went back to the gym when Covid rules relaxed
  • I sat with the feelings and thought about the possible root cause. I knew if I could figure it out, I’d be able to work through the feeling.
  • I worked with a psychologist and started EMDR therapy.

How can I better manage my reaction to my feelings?

  • I can start by recognizing the triggers that cause a reaction. This has been the focus of the work I’m doing with my psychologist.
  • I can accept it’s OK to have feelings of joy, anger, grief and that these feelings are valid. There’s no need to repress them and pretend everything is OK.
  • I can examine the cause of the feelings. Are they a result of my personal values?…memories?…experiences? What can I do more of (for positive feelings) or differently (for negative feelings)?
  • I can give myself a time-out if my feelings start to cause I reaction I’m not ready or able to control.

This blog took a long time to write. There was a great deal of writing and rewriting as I processed the questions. I don’t think I’m done with them. I feel them working their way into my head and I know I’ll be revisiting them over the next few weeks. I expect that’s part of the exercise Ms. Tawwab has posed. 🙂

Begin Where You Are

Not where you think you should be…

I have been home from the ashram now for about a month. I knew it would be a struggle to keep up with all my new found practices. Everyday I am determined to make the habits stick. I have been trying to connect in with the ashram to keep volunteering but meetings get cancelled or rescheduled as everyone is planning what’s next. I have kept busy with yard work, creating sacred spaces in my house and doing some paintings. I have a list of things that need to be done and things that I want to do. I have kept up with morning chants, yoga and stretching. I eat in silence for breakfast and lunch at regular times. So, yes, some of the habits have stuck.

What I have realized is this…I am not doing everything I thought I would when I left the ashram. I have had to take stock of this fact and come to terms with what it means. The little girl in my dream about the stairwell is shaking her head and looking at me like “I told you so”. I could chastise myself and agree with her then make a new list and try harder to make it fit or I could surrender and accept that I am not there yet. I may never be there. 

Acceptance takes courage. It takes being honest with yourself, what’s important to you and how you manage your time.

Some of the practices I have kept doing daily is reading the books I brought back with me.  In the Kundalini For The West, Swami Radha talks about liberation from all limitations. Beginning your journey where you are at instead of where you think you should be. Unclear thoughts and expectations can become focused if you change your thought patterns. Instead of me adopting the narrative of reasons why I am not keeping up on all I thought I would, I can focus on what I am doing and go from there. Instead of trying to swallow the elephant in one bite, take a breath, then a step and see how that feels. A breath and a step everyday is a path to acceptance. Being kind to yourself isn’t weak. It takes bravery to move forward.Knowing that things happen for a reason is reassuring. I am a firm believer in serendipity as I have seen it unfold in my life over and over again. I wouldn’t have gone to the ashram at all if I hadn’t got a Facebook reminder of my first blog about my experience there several years ago. Now, I am grateful for that reminder of steps taken without conscious effort. My unconscious “Inner Guru” is always 3 steps ahead of me carving out the path before I even know what’s what. All I need to do is take a breath then a step. Acknowledge where I am and give myself space to grow my inner garden perhaps slower than I thought was necessary in the past. Each breath and step moves me forward and I am “ok” with that approach.

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