Tag: #growth

Evergreen – Sharon’s Take On It

 retaining freshness or interest : perennial. b : universally and continually relevant : not limited in applicability to a particular event or date.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/evergreen

I read Vanessa’s post today about finding meaning in the song “Evergreen” and it got me thinking about my interpretation.

My first reaction was “Ha! Right – love everlasting.” If you’ve read my posts over the past year, you know that hasn’t happened for me. Each time, I thought it was FINALLY the “evergreen” relationship – one that would stand the test of time, weather storms, and maintain its individuality – while being part of a forest ecosystem – for its natural life.

In my experience, it’s not been love everlasting with one person. Each time, it was fresh and interesting – absolutely. Each time, I thought it was forever. Love is a basic human need; one that is universally and continually relevant. While many people put everything into making their wedding day special, love is not applicable to that particular event or date. It’s in the day-to-day living, the little things, that keep it fresh and interesting.

The Universe timed Vanessa’s post perfectly. It came a few days after Martin and I talked about what love means to us, and a day before our two year anniversary.

Martin and I are past the point where we believe love is eternal. Like the evergreen tree, it can be perennial if nourished and continues to grow, but there’s no certainty. A fire can take out a forest of evergreens. A landslide can rip them out by the roots. A drought can stunt their growth and, over time, starve them. The best we can do is see ‘evergreen love’ as a possibility and strive to make it happen.

We make it happen by having shared interests and experiences. We explore new things and places together. We have a shared understanding of what love means and similar expectations as to where it will go.

As a concept, “love” is ageless and unchanging. The reality of it is anything but that. Love changes over time. At the beginning, partners can’t get enough of each other and want to spend every waking minute talking or being together. I remember when Martin told me he loved me. He HAD to talk to me everyday while he was at work. When on night shift, he’d wake 30 minutes early to have time to call me. You need to know he is someone who despises talking on the phone and is chronically tired when working 12 hour nights. He’s a true introvert and very comfortable with solitude. Such is the power of love in the initial phase.

Over time, we become familiar with each other. As the saying goes, “Familiarity breeds contempt”, OR, it can breed deeper love. Now, we agree to talk twice a week when he’s at work. We text twice a day. If we were stuck in the first phase, this would be upsetting for both of us. It’s not. Our love has grown. It acknowledges both his needs and mine. We reach compromises that work for both of us.

Unlike the evergreen tree who is at the mercy of Mother Nature, we choose to continue growing together. If either one of us stops nurturing the relationship, it will die. It’s a joint effort. This isn’t to say the effort is always equal. Sometimes we each need to put in more to keep the relationship working. It’s acknowledging and respecting the efforts of each other that’s important.

Just as an evergreen can’t take necessary amounts of rain, soil or sunshine for granted, neither can humans assume love will simply occur. It’s not a result of a particular day or time. It’s the result of care, attention and opportunities for growth that keep love truly “evergreen”.

It’s In the Cards

After a year of changes, I am facing the possibility of another one. I’ve written out the pros/cons list, I’ve talked it over with friends, and I’m 99% sure I know which direction I’ll take. For interest’s sake, I wanted to see what my cards had to say. I pulled three cards for past, present, and future.

I found it interesting to see the Butterfly card representing my past, but it makes sense. I’ve been through a great deal of change and transformation. It’s no longer telling me about my present or future because – I’m hoping – most of the change has happened.

Now, the Horse card – that’s a new one. What does it tell me about my present?

The Horse represents the most masterful form of Earth energy within the deck. It provides us with momentum so reliable, so supportive that you can ride its back toward any goal, no matter how difficult the terrain. A Horse personality is fully awakened, fully alive, and cannot be defeated. The Horse’s freedom becomes available to us when we hone and collect our energy through daily practice. Physical stamina (exercise) and mental focus (meditation) are the secret weapons behind the Horse’s legacy.

Again – interesting. In my last blog, I mentioned I was seeing a psychologist and had started working through The Artist’s Way. The psychologist is helping me put my past into perspective and “rewire” my thinking. Writing three pages every morning is a form of meditation, and a month ago, I started back at the gym. I definitely feel as though I’m on a new wave of momentum and not as “stuck” as I’ve felt the last several months. I’m feeling mentally, emotionally, and physically stronger than I have in a long time.

I was confused as to what a Bat means for my future. The question I asked before pulling these cards was, “Am I making the right decision?” Let’s see what this card states.

The Bat is the master of the subtle senses, of the underlying forces that cause some things to prosper and other things to fade. The Bat card shows up to signify the ending of a chapter, the closing of a door. The Bat comes swiftly, encouraging us to move on.

Am I making the right decision? I’d say yes. The EMDR work I’m doing with the psychologist is all about accessing subconscious core beliefs and confronting them. I’m learning what these beliefs are and how they have played a role in my life. The subconscious is becoming conscious and freeing me. In many ways, I’m ending a chapter (perhaps, several chapters from a variety of books representing different parts of my life) and I’m ready to move on.

I *am* ready to move on. I’m done with questioning why I was let go from my previous job, why my husband couldn’t be honest with me, why life was changing for me again. It was something I needed to work through to learn the lessons.

Now, it’s time to – literally – put the past behind me, take the lessons, and start embracing the next chapter; I feel as though it’s already started to write itself.

Synchronicity, cont…

After writing last night, I started to think about the events occurring for me right now, and how they may or may not be related. Whenever matters of the Universe seem to be at play, I feel called to my oracle cards.

I pulled another card. It was the butterfly. Today, I wanted to see if the message was reinforced, and pulled the lion.

The butterfly represents undergoing great change and transformation.

“The energy of the butterfly is with us during periods of transition. Since air is the element of the heart, this change usually involves relationships (or if you love your job, perhaps your career).”

Last week, the term “synchronicity” showed up twice. I also had a company approach me about working for them. I’m having to decide if I want the security of where I am now, or take a leap of faith and start somewhere new. It’s a very attractive offer, and in many ways, is what I’ve defined as my “dream job”. (I checked with Martin, and he assured me the relationship is good for him, so I don’t think it’s dealing with matters of the heart).

I wanted to see what the cards had to say today. Lion appeared.

“The Lion is a master of the Fire element and the living mascot of self-transformation. A Lion personality dedicates their life to personal and spiritual growth.”

Is anyone else sensing a theme? Again with transformation. It appears during the time I’ve been seeing a psychologist and working through “The Artist’s Way” to unblock my creativity.

OK – let’s see what the other decks have to say. I pulled Tsunami from the Magic Earth deck.

“You are getting a wake up call. It may be in the form of a significant loss, or other dramatic event in your life, typically one that you were not prepared for initially. You may feel stunned at first, surprised by the unexpected events that are occurring.”

Ummmm…yes. I was not expecting a casual conversation to turn into, “What would it take to get you to come work for us?” This card also seems to summarize the last year of turmoil – separation, finding out spouse is gay, moving out, buying a new home, rehoming my dog. Now, it feels as though the wake-up call is – “What are you going to do with your life? It’s yours for the taking!” This job offer, on many levels, seems too good to be true. Is it the wake-up call I need to start a new life now that I’m more settled?

Now, my curiosity is piqued. I have another deck – the Nature’s Whispers cards. Two were stuck together.

The Big Picture card: “There is so much more going on than you realize…If you’ve been struggling with a problem or tough situation, this card can signal that you will find the answers if you stand back and view everything from a larger perspective or someone else’s viewpoint.”

The Amplify Your Positive Emotions card: “There is a ripple effect of energy flowing from you. Be positive…There is a chance to bring good fortune and influences to all of the events in your life. As circles also represent cycles, know that you are continually going in and out of cycles, growing and changing. With every ending comes a new beginning.”

Oh, I know there is more going on than I realize! I haven’t slept well all week, since starting the “morning pages” from “The Artist’s Way”. I suspect there is much ‘bubbling under the surface’ that has yet to show itself. I’m talking to the psychologist, to Martin, and to friends to get their perspective on what’s going on in my life. I’m also fully aware that with every ending comes a new beginning: marriage ended – new home and relationship. Now, maybe a new job? I started my current job while still living in the same house as my ex. Is the presentation of a new job a result of the Universe giving me a truly “clean slate” from which to build my life?

What are the odds of five cards sending the same message, at a time when synchronicity has made itself known? There was a time I’d have puzzled over this – over thought it. Now, I’m going to accept it. I know I’m still in a period of transformation, this time more internal than external. It’s part of the healing process and coming to terms with the direction life is taking me. I simply need to trust the Universe has my best interests at heart.

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