Above is a quote from The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho. The book is about his journey on the SanTiago trail in Spain. My sister and I started planning a trip to Spain a few years ago that involved trekking on some of the trails. We got distracted (ok confession, I got distracted) as we talked about the adventure with other relatives. Soon the group had grown to 11 people and as we tried to accommodate individual tastes and wishes the trail got left behind. I have had lots of time now to reflect on the trip that actually happened and to wonder at the trip that would have been if I had stuck to the original plan. The trip was epic as I ended up in North Africa (Morocco) riding a camel in the desert. I don’t regret it and yet I do wonder what I missed.
The rest of the excerpt from the book reads…”We know which is the best road to follow, but we follow only the road that we have become accustomed to.”
I am a firm believer in “Redos”. They happened to me all the time. Do you ever get the feeling of “deja vous”? A real life scenario starts to unfold and then something triggers in your mind…wait a minute…haven’t I done this before…now what was I supposed to remember about this again? Dang…I know it’s really important that I (fill in the blanks). The event unwinds as it does and then later when the dust settles you find yourself going WTF? I knew the road. I knew what I wanted to change in my approach, actions, thoughts towards it and yet, here I am still reacting and acting the same way AGAIN! Sigh. I had the opportunity to follow the right path I chose not too. As I reflect on those opportunities and now chart what the alternate path would have perhaps looked like I am trying my best to be self aware. Please, if there is any chance that my higher power is listening, let me choose the best road to follow instead of the one I am accustomed to.
On Monday, I start on the road to the Ashram in BC. I have been on this journey before in 2013 and got side tracked. Wow, that long ago! 2 months to rewire this brain, thought patterns, habits, behaviors and anything else that no longer serves me to be well. I am extremely lucky to have the awareness that you can live “You do You”. It feels like I am going to throw up, I am anxious and unsettled. That’s a good feeling I think…lol. It tells me that by being uncomfortable I can finally get out of this self induced rhetoric. Short term pain for a longer more stable gain.